One of my favorite sayings is "live in an attitude of gratitude." It helps to remind me to be thankful in the moment for who and what I am, not yearn for what is lost or for what I don't have. It is useless to dwell in a past that cannot be changed or a future that has not yet arrived. What we have is now, the present moment, to truly be able to create who we are. A year ago today I was laying in a hospital bed, unable to even lift my legs a 1/4 inch off the bed, recovering from my first of two total hip replacement surgeries. I was unsure of what the future held. What would this mean to me? What would I be able to do physically? It was useless to beat myself up as to why; I shouldn't have played volleyball so long, too much running, etc, nothing was gonna change the fact I had advanced osteoarthritis in both hips. All I had was what I could do in the moment: be grateful and work hard. Grateful that I had the means, the insurance and the family support to have these surgeries done. Grateful that my life lessons had taught me the value of hard work and what it means to reach for something that seems so far away and the understanding of what it would take to get there. It has been a year of fantastic experiences that have changed me for the better, physically and mentally. Experiences like learning how to walk again, struggling through physical therapy, and understanding what being healthy and fit means to me and how I make my Art. The picture to the left is of me and my friend Mac McCusker moving a 175+ pound statue into a gas kiln a few weeks ago. Not only can I walk again, and without a limp, but I am back to living my life and creating artwork on my own terms. The lovely statue in the picture was started last year in October. I struggled to create her through pain and the frustration of my body not being able to do what I wanted it to. Patiently she waited for me to recover, losing a few arms and a head along the way. I almost gave up on her; it was too much, too much time had passed, I wanted to just let her go. In a way she has become a metaphor for my experience. I am grateful. I am grateful for all the beautiful family, friends, and teachers who would not give up on me or let me give up on her. The network of beautiful relationships in my life allowed me to sail through this experience and persevere when I felt like quitting. I am working on the finishing details now, and she will be the focal point of my BFA show coming up in March. She is not perfect, like me, we both have scars, but hopefully what will be noticed is the beauty of the spirit not the perfection of the form. I am grateful, grateful for it all and to be here now in this moment.
RSS Feed
